As I flip the pages of my journal I notice something. It’s something that my heart has been wrestling with for awhile but I’ve been to afraid to admit. But as I read my entires it’s so obvious that it’s a real stumbling block in my life. I’m holding myself back from experiencing Gods glory to the fullest because I’m afraid and selfish.
“Lord, help me…” This is as deep as I go, and this is my biggest problem and most self-destructive habit. Over and over again I asked the Lord to help me. Help me be a better business woman. Help me to know how to raise Miles to love you. Help me to be a more loving and respectful wife. Help me, help me, help me. I know some of you are thinking what I’ve always allowed myself to think, “Those are great prayers. What’s wrong with asking God for help?” And you’re right, those are important prayers, often necessary prayers, and those prayers aren’t the real problem here.
The problem is this: I know that God wants to do more than help me, he wants to TEACH me, but I’m too scared to pray that prayer. I convince myself that by praying “Lord help me” I’m being open and honest with him, opening my heart up for change, for His will, and his power in my life. But Him and I both know that I need to learn, by his teaching, how to do all He’s called me to be and to do.
I rely on help because there is no pain, no learning curve, no stretching of your faith, abilities, and emotions. When I ask for help, I know in my heart that I’m asking God to just sweep in and make everything roses and sunshine while I stand by and reap the benefits. While I know God is capable of such things if he thinks it’s good, I also know that He sees the bigger picture. I can just imagine Him thinking to himself, “I want to bless you. You think you just need my help, but if you allow me to teach you, the blessing will be so much greater than you can imagine. By teaching you I’m not only helping you, but EQUIPPING you. The blessing extends so much further when you allow me to take you a step further in teaching rather than just helping. Trust me.”
So today I put aside the fear of being taught by having to do things like give up something I love, persevere through something that I think may be too hard, or pursue something that seems to huge, and I look ahead to what He’s capable of. Today I pray, “Lord, TEACH me.”
Wow! That really spoke to me just where I am. Thank you for sharing!